Thursday, May 24, 2018

Welcome to 2018 my Nagas. Its been 4 fuckin years!! dammmnnn gina!!! ahahahh I am back !!!! I dont know something told me to write on here. I wanted to pick up blogging again but not be as candid as I was before. I guess what I am saying is not be give over shares. Things have changed or should I say evolved. Evolution is an understatement. I have advanced quite a bit in my spiritual journey I am proud to say that I am a bruja, an occultist, and alchemist/ghetto medicine woman to be. Being on this journey taught me not to react emotionally, but only logically, most importantly how to set boundaries and stick to them no matter what. I learned alot of toxic personality disorders, narcissistic personality disorders, borderline, PTSD, B Cluster, Co-dependency. I empowered myself with information, once I was able to identify such behaviors in ppl and even myself I dead that shit with the swiftness. I have worked on new music here and there my soundcloud has some joints and jams that I love. I plan to do more, put myself out there more doing more open mics and studio sessions or whatnot. Having an issue with my weight I go up and down like a yo yo I either lose no weight at all and maintain it, or actually lose but its shortlived. I have since starting working with a medical weigh loss spa down the street from my residence. Once the money beefs up even more I can do multiple treatments weekly and bi-weekly like HCG shots, Lipo shots, and another round of Phentermine. The level up is in progress for the 18, working on me inside and out. Protecting my nrg more than ever these days, I have also forgived ppl for their faulty human condition, doesnt mean I dont check they asses when need be, there shall always be room for that! Ha! Changing my thought process, and adjusting my perspective on things took a while but I am glad that modification took place I look at things differently now. Now I no longer care about morals, I embrace my villain-hood, my weirdness, my awkwardness, my rebellion, my TRANSFORMATION. I am good and I am evil I am light and I am dark, I am like the goddess St Marta La Dominadora/Filomena Lubana, Mami Wata,Oya, Osbun Yemaya, Kali,Pomba Gira etc. I am all of those energies and I balance them very well. This spirituality has saved my life, enhanced my life as well as my personality and overall well being. I believe I will be more than ok, I will be great because I envisioned to happen and I have that intent also knowing it is my DIVINE BIRTH RIGHT TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY. Its life outside my door, and Im go get me some !

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Sweet Deception

Its that sweet deception uncharted territory with no acception just obsession. Just when I had the world figured out im caught spiritually with my pants down and my skirt up with one way in and none to get out. Confusion is the name of their game infusion with sexual intrusion is the blame I know better but tell that to my hole deep dark empty fear of lacking control want to grab a hold of the mold I made of  and cradle you heart too blown now Im ashamed of you what became of you my idea was for us to flourish mind fucked with no introduction my soul's malnourished Aint this some shit im no sensitive bitch but these scars from the war's past I still fuckin itch. But if I roar im a bitch if tie loose ends and cut friends im a bitch they never satisfied til my prides in the ditch 6 feet under with moist ground taking my corpse asunder my exit not good enough still I wonder. When their prideful bellys will fill relationships killed when you decide to spit ill. Through it all I still deal aint got no options Jah unfolds them in front of me in many concoctions something inside dares me to survive pushes me into existence it is then I.must thrive!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I got it!

Welp got me a new spot. Im in the jects but hey its not where u live but how u live! And it  come  at a betta time. Me and the avoidance of drama to no avail. Been through alot in these past few years. Struggling being at ppl.house being subjected to bad treatment negativity and judgements. The time has come for me tp transcend to higher heights. My day went good I handles my bizz got shit done.

My birthstrong in.one day now! Today was my boyfriend bday and I saw him today. Bodyrockin'  and pillow talkin' as usual hahahahaha wat can I say..nothing but :). He got a gift for me can't wait. I tried to trick him into telling me but he ain't having it. Lol he say "its something you can wear" strange thing he doesn't know my size clothes or shoes. Im guessing jewelry. Low key today he call me him future wife then was like " I don't see how anyone hasn't married you yet" I didnt either. So its safe to claim him ah get me a ring fi be him wife. Im mos def open to it. Im see bout this Friday so im brief ya'll on how it go. I do love him and he tell me him love me first. Wasn't sure and wasn't expecting it at the time I wondered when he would say it. Not checking for any one else. If it is an engagement ring I ah tek it! We can learn more of each.otha as we go along.

Work tomorrow low key stressful and frustrating.But my sup is aight he willing to mold me so... 
Wow looking at my old posts I see how long I had came its crazy. It gets worse before it get better. Im working now jus got my new place and im in love with a. Good man that wants to marry me. Its fuckin crazy. Shit like this don't happen to ppl like me. On second thought nobody is like me anyway. Even when I was down faith got me to this point. Now look at where im at. Opening up more eliminated relationships that don't serve me any good. Had some revelations I will go intp detail about that in another post. But im more social networking giving life a chance rather than existing.

Wats nxt on my list is studio time meditation and fitness. So much I wanna say but im break it down it posts. Im post up something...in the morning but I got some things to say. WHY DO PPL HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR ME TO HANDLE SOMETHING FOR TH THAT SHOULD ALREADY BE EXECUTED? IM NOT ANYONES PLANNER MIDDLE MAN YES MAN NONE OF THAT SHIT. I GOT LOW EXPECTATIONS OF PPL SO DONT EXPECT MORE OUTTAE IF YOU NOT PUTTING IN THE SAME WORK.  Ppl kill me with that shit if you got a mouth use it!  Humansssssss smh I swear. Cant dp for you what I feel you won't do for me. Case closed El Fin

On my bday im blog! Me MJ and Beres Hammond will enjoy our earthstrong! In life and in afterlife. I want to go to a Caribbean boat bashment for my bday weekend. I also got tickets for the Wyndham Hotel...on Anaheim for any 3 days of my choice! Oh yea there is the LB Lobster fest coming up to. My ma coming out for that one.  There is also a Taste...of Downtown fest too not sure. If I ah.mek it cuz I work. So much shit goings on. So happy I been waiting for this looooonnng time. Welp lemme roll ova n sleep. Post up in the morning. Peace!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

The Urban Amazon update:The Coming of the Phoenix

I been on money mode lately. Fuck smelling the roses I will do that some other time. Thinking about that special someone and I almost feel like a fool in doing so. We women care too much too often. It's a curse for me but I'm sure the situation will clear itself to me in due time. I have plans for my upcoming birthday going to the lab finally networking meeting people that will guide  me on a new journey. I bought myself a composition book that im take with me and im write on my lunch break. Anything off the dome.... any ideas and actually plan to implement them. I got an offer for the housing authority im be back in Watts this time at nickerson gardens! Welp! I'm stay too my self cuz I know me and how I can get. Im only gonna be coming and going thats  it. My baby and me nah mix up and blend wit dem ppl deh. We str888t. This year so far has been great compared to the last few years or 7 years for that matter. Im working a good job now and bout to get a 2 bedroom apartment and im in. a complicated circumstance but workable with faith type relationship with a great man. It gets greater later. I think about all the things I went through and all the things that were said to me and Jah showed me who was for me and who was against me. I purged the badmind snake mouth ppl and look how life been good to me since and it only gets better. Looking at My past writings I feel bad for that person.that person was me still is me in a way. Stay battling demons. The constant need to stay spiritually clean. Looking at my blog post from then and now shows how much growth I have. How I came from hell and back to hell again and back again AND IM STILL HERE! Emerging from the ashes of my anguish like a fuckin Phoenix. That's gonna be the name of my next music and poetry project perhaps a mixtape title. The Coming of the Phoenix. Gotta hit up Chef Music Studios im planning on doing some studio time for my birthday. Im feel so alive and free finally doing what I fantasized about since elementary school watching the legends in the 90s in their music videos and emulating them in the mirror. All thanks and praises go to the Almighty Most Highest JAH for all the tests, tears, and trying times now converted into life lessons and blessings. From rock bottom im slowly skyrocketing myself  to another universe. A universe that I created for me to thrive.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Ya got me

So ya got me I see ya not.meant for monogamy ya got shoulda let it be now its regret be ya got me tge pain ya caused birthed creativity without pause ya got me no love lost but my time was too expensive now I know the cost. 5 years battling with my own entity i came out this war with no amenity killed the best of me now im on the quest and forever be a fight with my mind and heart the strand and confusion gave weight to my heavy thoughts now im lost looking for a GPS but I find is lone stress waiting for Jah to write the rest thought I had the answers to the test.

WRITING SESSIONS

THEY SAY EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL MY MIND WANDERS ON THE FUTURE THAT IT HOLDS IM AT A CROSS OF LIVING LIFE AS IF IT WAS GOLD IM AT A LOSS OF WORDS WHEN THE PRESENT UNFOLDS I ASK JAH HAVE I BROKE THE MOLD NOT SEEING THE PURPOSE RECOGNIZING FOES FEELING LIFE IS WORTHLESS BUT I WALK AROUND ACTIN LIKE I HURT LESS WEARING THICKER SKIN BUT IM SHIRTLESS I WAS GIRL WITH SO MUCH SHIT TO SAY A MOVIE WITH MANY CLIPS TO DISPLAY A THOUGHT WITH NO OUTLET TO DISPLAY BUT HERE I STAND ALONE WITH THE SKY SO GRAY SITUATIONS GOT ME FEELING LIKE HAVEN'T PRESS PLAY, ON MY DESTINY ALL THE EMOTIONS ON MY CHEST LAY HEAVILY AS I TRY TO CATCH A BREATH VENTILATION FEED MY WORDPLAY BLEEDS LEAKS TO THE DEATH OF ME THINKING HOW THE HEAVENS BE IM SEEKING REDEMPTION IN LIFES COMPLEXION, PAIN COMES IN MULTIPLE HUES AS I LOOK BACK REFLECTING FATALISTIC MINDSET CONSTANTLY PROJECTING OUTSIDE FORCES INTERCEPTING MAKING LOWER STANDARDS ACCEPTING THERES GOTTA BE A BETTER OPTION EMOTIONS FLIP FLOPPIN NIGGAS SAY LET GO BUT I FOCUS ON STOPPING, STOPPING THIS CYCLE A VICIOUS DOWNWARD SPIRAL CONCOCTING SHIT IS FOR THE BIRDS SO IM FLOCKING LOTTA WORK TO BE DONE SO I CLOCK IN HOPING TO ENVOKE THOUGHT AND NO DROPPINGS IM LOCKED IN THE MATRIX OF THE FORGOTTEN