Thursday, May 24, 2018
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Its that sweet deception uncharted territory with no acception just obsession. Just when I had the world figured out im caught spiritually with my pants down and my skirt up with one way in and none to get out. Confusion is the name of their game infusion with sexual intrusion is the blame I know better but tell that to my hole deep dark empty fear of lacking control want to grab a hold of the mold I made of and cradle you heart too blown now Im ashamed of you what became of you my idea was for us to flourish mind fucked with no introduction my soul's malnourished Aint this some shit im no sensitive bitch but these scars from the war's past I still fuckin itch. But if I roar im a bitch if tie loose ends and cut friends im a bitch they never satisfied til my prides in the ditch 6 feet under with moist ground taking my corpse asunder my exit not good enough still I wonder. When their prideful bellys will fill relationships killed when you decide to spit ill. Through it all I still deal aint got no options Jah unfolds them in front of me in many concoctions something inside dares me to survive pushes me into existence it is then I.must thrive!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Welp got me a new spot. Im in the jects but hey its not where u live but how u live! And it come at a betta time. Me and the avoidance of drama to no avail. Been through alot in these past few years. Struggling being at ppl.house being subjected to bad treatment negativity and judgements. The time has come for me tp transcend to higher heights. My day went good I handles my bizz got shit done.
My birthstrong in.one day now! Today was my boyfriend bday and I saw him today. Bodyrockin' and pillow talkin' as usual hahahahaha wat can I say..nothing but :). He got a gift for me can't wait. I tried to trick him into telling me but he ain't having it. Lol he say "its something you can wear" strange thing he doesn't know my size clothes or shoes. Im guessing jewelry. Low key today he call me him future wife then was like " I don't see how anyone hasn't married you yet" I didnt either. So its safe to claim him ah get me a ring fi be him wife. Im mos def open to it. Im see bout this Friday so im brief ya'll on how it go. I do love him and he tell me him love me first. Wasn't sure and wasn't expecting it at the time I wondered when he would say it. Not checking for any one else. If it is an engagement ring I ah tek it! We can learn more of each.otha as we go along.
Work tomorrow low key stressful and frustrating.But my sup is aight he willing to mold me so...
Wow looking at my old posts I see how long I had came its crazy. It gets worse before it get better. Im working now jus got my new place and im in love with a. Good man that wants to marry me. Its fuckin crazy. Shit like this don't happen to ppl like me. On second thought nobody is like me anyway. Even when I was down faith got me to this point. Now look at where im at. Opening up more eliminated relationships that don't serve me any good. Had some revelations I will go intp detail about that in another post. But im more social networking giving life a chance rather than existing.
Wats nxt on my list is studio time meditation and fitness. So much I wanna say but im break it down it posts. Im post up something...in the morning but I got some things to say. WHY DO PPL HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR ME TO HANDLE SOMETHING FOR TH THAT SHOULD ALREADY BE EXECUTED? IM NOT ANYONES PLANNER MIDDLE MAN YES MAN NONE OF THAT SHIT. I GOT LOW EXPECTATIONS OF PPL SO DONT EXPECT MORE OUTTAE IF YOU NOT PUTTING IN THE SAME WORK. Ppl kill me with that shit if you got a mouth use it! Humansssssss smh I swear. Cant dp for you what I feel you won't do for me. Case closed El Fin
On my bday im blog! Me MJ and Beres Hammond will enjoy our earthstrong! In life and in afterlife. I want to go to a Caribbean boat bashment for my bday weekend. I also got tickets for the Wyndham Hotel...on Anaheim for any 3 days of my choice! Oh yea there is the LB Lobster fest coming up to. My ma coming out for that one. There is also a Taste...of Downtown fest too not sure. If I ah.mek it cuz I work. So much shit goings on. So happy I been waiting for this looooonnng time. Welp lemme roll ova n sleep. Post up in the morning. Peace!
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
I been on money mode lately. Fuck smelling the roses I will do that some other time. Thinking about that special someone and I almost feel like a fool in doing so. We women care too much too often. It's a curse for me but I'm sure the situation will clear itself to me in due time. I have plans for my upcoming birthday going to the lab finally networking meeting people that will guide me on a new journey. I bought myself a composition book that im take with me and im write on my lunch break. Anything off the dome.... any ideas and actually plan to implement them. I got an offer for the housing authority im be back in Watts this time at nickerson gardens! Welp! I'm stay too my self cuz I know me and how I can get. Im only gonna be coming and going thats it. My baby and me nah mix up and blend wit dem ppl deh. We str888t. This year so far has been great compared to the last few years or 7 years for that matter. Im working a good job now and bout to get a 2 bedroom apartment and im in. a complicated circumstance but workable with faith type relationship with a great man. It gets greater later. I think about all the things I went through and all the things that were said to me and Jah showed me who was for me and who was against me. I purged the badmind snake mouth ppl and look how life been good to me since and it only gets better. Looking at My past writings I feel bad for that person.that person was me still is me in a way. Stay battling demons. The constant need to stay spiritually clean. Looking at my blog post from then and now shows how much growth I have. How I came from hell and back to hell again and back again AND IM STILL HERE! Emerging from the ashes of my anguish like a fuckin Phoenix. That's gonna be the name of my next music and poetry project perhaps a mixtape title. The Coming of the Phoenix. Gotta hit up Chef Music Studios im planning on doing some studio time for my birthday. Im feel so alive and free finally doing what I fantasized about since elementary school watching the legends in the 90s in their music videos and emulating them in the mirror. All thanks and praises go to the Almighty Most Highest JAH for all the tests, tears, and trying times now converted into life lessons and blessings. From rock bottom im slowly skyrocketing myself to another universe. A universe that I created for me to thrive.
Monday, February 25, 2013
So ya got me I see ya not.meant for monogamy ya got shoulda let it be now its regret be ya got me tge pain ya caused birthed creativity without pause ya got me no love lost but my time was too expensive now I know the cost. 5 years battling with my own entity i came out this war with no amenity killed the best of me now im on the quest and forever be a fight with my mind and heart the strand and confusion gave weight to my heavy thoughts now im lost looking for a GPS but I find is lone stress waiting for Jah to write the rest thought I had the answers to the test.